Reclaim the sounds

A male friend once asked me if women ever fart. Before we get into the finer points concerning that topic, I want to tell you that I am not a squeamish girl at all.

I enjoy toilet humour, and I enjoy embarrassing others with my arsenal of jokes. If you are like my cousin, you will pretend to not have heard me, and shake your head as you look away. But do not assume I will be deterred. I shall continue to make plop plop sounds and gross her (or you) out. Sometimes I annoy her with my dissertation on the low probability of a loud fart being smelly, and conversely, the high probability of a silent fart being smelly. Now that I have established my love for discussions of an excretory nature, we shall move on to more erudite topics such as the sounds these ejections make.

Men seem to take great pleasure in Sounds. They revel in the belches that erupt out of them after a satisfying meal, the air that escapes from the nether regions of their bodies, the burps and the hiccups, the loud yawns that let you count their teeth and guess what they had for lunch. Meanwhile, women are training to hold their bodily releases in, and probably practicing How to Sneeze Daintily at Work. They may also be wondering if they’ve reached that stage where they can fart in front of their significant other – can their relationship withstand this gust of air, are they sufficiently serious about each other for her to be able to give in to her impulses?

Let us go back to the question my friend asked me. I answered in the affirmative, with a large serving of incredulity. Women are human beings too, and so on. I am curious if he became the kind of man who thinks ugly women might be guilty of such uncouth behaviour, but attractive women most certainly do not let out noxious gases from various orifices. (Old women are usually exempted from such scrutiny.)

For the longest time, one of my biggest worries was that my stomach shouldn’t growl in a way that makes everyone else in the room look at me. This happened, of course. And I survived. But I now believe there is no need for politeness when it comes to such matters. Reclaim the sounds. And the smell. We cannot be expected to feel ashamed by how our digestive system chooses to do its job.

P.S. I can burp at will. I could show you if you like.


21 thoughts on “Reclaim the sounds

  1. I am reminded of an episode from Sex and the city. Carrie passes wind in front of Mr.Big, the guy she had ear-marked as the significant other to end all significant others and she freaks out. She believes that she cannot be the sexy desirable date and the farting person at the same time so she wishes earth will gobble her up or something.

    She mentions it to one of her friends who also freaks out about how this is a terrible terrible disaster. All I could do was roll my eyes for 20 odd minutes. In general SATC explores many interesting things that happen to the sex life of a woman who is dating a guy (significant or otherwise). But I just don’t get some episodes like this one. If it happens in a public place I can understand the embarrassment. But if it is a guy whom she slept with 5 times does not realize she has an asshole, then he is an asshole.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Awesome post, Anu! It’s one of those subjects that annoys me is so sexist. Men are allowed to belch and fart whIle we hold it. I used to get belly aches from not releasing. Imagine my joy when I realised I didn’t have to hold it anymore. Bahah

    Liked by 1 person

  3. That was hilarious!! From My Father Baliah to My Farter Baliah (!), that is quite some variety in your writing! But jokes apart, doing this kind of a write-up requires skill because it can easily get distasteful (should I say, ‘foulsmelly’ given the subject matter?!). But you handled it very well.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Speaking of reclaiming sounds, isn’t it a divine sound to hear someone say the Tamil word for fart? When you particularly despise something, or when you want to put down that fellow who irritates you to no end or when you’re angry because you’re unable to say anything logical in a heated debate, you can find salvation from all of these situations by simply uttering that two syllable mantra. When the sound of that word escapes your mouth, there’s a freedom that your lips taste, which is far greater than the joy of releasing a thousand silent ones and relishing the look of disgust that curls up on the face of a loved one!


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