There is a bump on the road

I have become one of those people, who fret about not writing, and then proceed to write about the same. Confronted with the silence in my head, I find that there are no words left for me to spill, no knots to loosen; just an emptiness. It is possible I had grown comfortable with thinking of myself as someone who writes, in spite of my initial resistance. I reasoned that everything I did, or tried to do, contributed to this pursuit. It couldn’t be measured, but in documenting, I lived moments, once, twice; I remained both witness and participant. Maybe it is time for the noise to die, even if that means I will have nothing to show.

I know what it is like, to be carried away by the imaginations of writers, to want to consume everything they say, hoping to uncover details about their lives, to detect their presence in my expressions, the heady realisation that I could hold phrases in my hands, and twist them, extract from them something unexpected. In how many ways can I tell you this? These very imaginations tire me now. Instead, I want to know what people are hiding from, what lies they tell themselves, if they are content to wallow in beauty while ignoring messy realities. It is laughable though, because once, I too read for reading, like a sponge, uncomplaining and absorbent. I was content to be the provider of meanings for uncommon words, a writer of letters, an editor of others’ emails.

Stripped of words, I am simply a person who spends too much time staring.

2 thoughts on “There is a bump on the road

  1. I have steadfastly refused to write any thought that hasn’t already solidified reasonably in my mind. The viscous thoughts are there. But I believe that the viscous thoughts should be permitted to remain viscous until they have the time to settle down as sediments that are easy to scoop out. The slower the process is the more real the thought is.

    I find journaling a more satisfying experience and very different from blogging and that is what I do now. Give it a shot if you have not done before though I don’t want to come across as someone who is giving advice to someone who wasn’t asking for it.

    Liked by 1 person

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